How to Hold a Successful Family Meeting
February 28, 2025
Everyone hopes their parents will live long, healthy, independent lives. But the reality is that some people will need care in their later years. Whether it’s retiring in an assisted living community, arranging for family caregiving, or hiring professional in-home care, one thing remains certain—the ideal time to have this conversation is before a crisis happens. A family meeting can be a place where everyone can share information, mobilize resources, and come up with a plan.
“Trying to get a family on the same page about things is hard,” acknowledged Dani Butler, Campus Community Relations Director at Fieldstone of Yakima. “I think the most important thing is that everybody agrees that you are there for their loved one’s need. It’s not about you, the focus should be being an advocate for your parent’s care or your grandma’s care.”
Having this meeting in person is best, but if everyone cannot attend, videoconferencing or calling in is better than getting a later, secondhand account of what transpired. Here are some tips to have a successful family meeting about your parent’s long-term care plans.
Include everyone. Be sure all the siblings—including stepsiblings if appropriate—are kept informed. And of course, the person who you’re planning for must be centrally involved if they are capable of communicating their preferences.
Leave the beef behind. Now is not the time to argue over how much your parents contributed to your sister’s wedding or debate the validity of your brother’s career as a travel influencer. If family squabbles continue to erupt, or if the family is overwhelmed by the planning at hand, call in a professional such as a care manager or elder law attorney to facilitate the meeting and suggest resources.
Do your homework. Do you know what kind of resources are available where your parents live? Learn about services that are available to support seniors and caregivers in your area. Contact the local Area Agency on Aging or use the Eldercare Locator. Learn about assisted living or retirement communities in the area. Take a tour to understand the cost, benefits, care levels, and any applicable waiting lists. Seeing the facility in person can go a long way in helping to put any family member’s concerns to rest. It may even excite your parents to see a well-developed and welcoming community where they can leave the landscaping and maintenance to someone else!
“There’s a stigma with senior living that can cause some people to keep their parent at home for far too long,” Butler said. “They end up having regrets if there’s an injury or accident at home, but people can really thrive with the supports of long-term care.”
She’s also seen residents who were hesitant at first, but once they moved in they were super happy.
“Some even gained weight because the food is really that good!” Butler added. “You have your own apartment, access to meals and transportation. The rest of the community is an extension of your home.”
Make a plan—and write it down. Include as much detail as possible about who has taken on what responsibilities and assignments. The plan should be practical, not beyond your family’s financial resources—and, most important, it should be acceptable to Mom and Dad. All the family members need to agree ahead of time that they will accept the plan once it’s done, even if it wasn’t their first choice and even if they have some reservations. The responsibility for the plan should be shared by all. Then, going forward, create a system by which everyone can stay in touch—a family email chain, a private Facebook page, or a phone tree.
In her personal experience, Butler understands that planning can be hard when there are different dynamics in the family. But families can lean into each person’s skills when it comes to delegating tasks.
“Some family members are very overwhelmed by the emotions of it all and struggle to make decisions,” Butler said. “The more levelheaded family members can be the communicator.”
In the end, having a good family meeting comes down to being prepared, listening to each other, and working together. When you set a clear agenda, give everyone a chance to share their thoughts, and focus on finding solutions instead of arguing, you can tackle tough topics in a way that feels supportive and productive. The goal isn’t just to make decisions—it’s to help everyone feel heard and on the same page. With a little effort, family meetings can actually bring you closer and make things easier for everyone.
