How to Hold a Successful Family MeetingĀ
February 28, 2025
Everyone hopes their parents will live long, healthy, independent lives. But the reality is that some people will need care in their later years. Whether itās retiring in an assisted living community, arranging for family caregiving, or hiring professional in-home care, one thing remains certaināthe ideal time to have this conversation is before a crisis happens. A family meeting can be a place where everyone can share information, mobilize resources, and come up with a plan.
āThe one thing we want to stress is that the time to plan is before an emergency happens,ā said Nettie Martini, Sales and Marketing Director at Fieldstone of Silverdale. āJust encourage the person to look at their options, so if they do need help at some point they have an idea of what is available.ā
Having this meeting in person is best, but if everyone cannot attend, videoconferencing or calling in is better than getting a later, secondhand account of what transpired. Here are some tips to have a successful family meeting about your parentās long-term care plans.
Include everyone. Be sure all the siblingsāincluding stepsiblings if appropriateāare kept informed. And of course, the person who you’re planning for must be centrally involved if they are capable of communicating their preferences.
Leave the beef behind. Now is not the time to argue over how much your parents contributed to your sisterās wedding or debate the validity of your brotherās career as a travel influencer. If family squabbles continue to erupt, or if the family is overwhelmed by the planning at hand, call in a professional such as a care manager or elder law attorney to facilitate the meeting and suggest resources.
Martini is happy to have a conversation about helpful resources for families exploring their options.
āSometimes that care manager or social worker or elder care attorney can help families work through those hard transitions.ā Kitsap County has resources to help families find legal help.
Do your homework. Do you know what kind of resources are available where your parents live? Learn about services that are available to support seniors and caregivers in your area. Contact the local Area Agency on Aging or use the Eldercare Locator. Learn about assisted living or retirement communities in the area. Take a tour to understand the cost, benefits, care levels, and any applicable waiting lists. Seeing the facility in person can go a long way in helping to put any family memberās concerns to rest. It may even excite your parents to see a well-developed and welcoming community where they can leave the landscaping and maintenance to someone else!
āThere is still a lot of stigma when it comes to long-term care,ā Martini said. āWe had one inquiry from a daughter whose mother was moving to Silverdale from Colorado. Initially, the daughter was against memory care, but after giving it a try and seeing her mom thrive, she feels really good about that decision. She visits often and even teaches some yoga classes.ā
Make a planāand write it down. Include as much detail as possible about who has taken on what responsibilities and assignments. The plan should be practical, not beyond your family’s financial resourcesāand, most important, it should be acceptable to Mom and Dad. All the family members need to agree ahead of time that they will accept the plan once it’s done, even if it wasn’t their first choice and even if they have some reservations. The responsibility for the plan should be shared by all. Then, going forward, create a system by which everyone can stay in touchāa family email chain, a private Facebook page, or a phone tree.
In the end, having a good family meeting comes down to being prepared, listening to each other, and working together. When you set a clear agenda, give everyone a chance to share their thoughts, and focus on finding solutions instead of arguing, you can tackle tough topics in a way that feels supportive and productive. The goal isnāt just to make decisionsāitās to help everyone feel heard and on the same page. With a little effort, family meetings can actually bring you closer and make things easier for everyone.