When Caregiving Ends: Supporting a Move to Memory Care
November 25, 2024
You had the conversations. You helped them downsize, reminiscing over old vacation photos, dusty camera collections, and stacks of past copies of “Good Housekeeping.” And you were there to help your parents start a joyful new chapter of their lives in a stylish and contemporary memory care community. There they’ll spend the days chumming it up with a gaggle of new acquaintances, taking in the scenery, and attending exercise classes and social activities.
But a pang hits your heart. While you’re excited for their next adventure, you may be feeling some complicated emotions. Especially if you’ve been there for them to help with some day-to-day activities such as meal preparation, laundry, lawn care, and light housekeeping. While it may have been challenging at times, you were proud of the care you provided and that you were able to step up when they needed you. But now what?
When caregiving ends, it might leave a big gap—not just in your schedule, but also in your heart. It’s completely normal to feel many different emotions when you stop being a caregiver. You might feel sad because you miss regular contact with your loved one or the routine you had together. You could also feel relieved that you don’t have to manage those responsibilities anymore, and that’s okay too. Sometimes, you might even feel a bit lost or unsure about what to do with your newfound free time. All these feelings are normal.
“It’s not only okay to reestablish that role that you had in the family before you were a caregiver, it’s necessary,” says Talia Chipman, Community Relations Director at Fieldstone of Puyallup. “You give up the role of wife or son when you become a full-time caregiver.”
Here are some ways to deal with this emotional transition and make the most of this next phase of life.
Focus on the positive. This transition may be beneficial for both you and your loved ones. While we pride ourselves on our ability to provide for our loved ones, everyone has their limits. The care your loved ones receive in a memory care community may help them maintain their health and independence, even if they are no longer living at home. Your loved one may thrive in a new setting with opportunities to enjoy regularly scheduled activities, salon services, and entertainment!
Consider using your caregiving skills in a different way. It’s important to acknowledge all the skills you learned along the way as a family caregiver. You know how to make someone feel comfortable, manage their medications, and keep things organized. These are valuable skills and experience. Consider sharing what you learned. Here are two ways:
- Help others by volunteering at a local hospital, hospice, or care facility. Many organizations need volunteers who can offer comfort and help to others. Several Fieldstone family members are active with the local Alzheimer’s Association. There may even be opportunities to volunteer in activities or programs at the assisted living community your parents now call home. That doubles as a way to stay in touch with them and enrich their lives in a new way.
- Share your experience by joining a support group for caregivers where you can share what you’ve learned with others. Your experience could be a big help to someone just starting on their caregiving journey. You were there once, and offering advice and empathy can be a rewarding way to give back to others.
“It’s so important for people to be around others who are going through the same thing,” Talia says. That’s one reason they have a family support group hosted in their community. “The nurse and I are part of that so we can learn more about what kind of support is most helpful for family members.” This Pierce County database offers a list of various support groups in Puyallup area, encompassing caregivers of loved ones who have experienced stroke, Parkinson’s disease, and cognitive decline. “Even if it is just answering phone calls, it can make a big difference to others going through the same thing,” Talia says.
Rediscover your hobbies. Caregiving can be a rewarding but time-consuming role. Now is the time to get back into the things you find to be creatively fulfilling. Whether it’s quilting, reading, or a weekly golf game, returning to the things you love is an act of self-care.
“Ending your caregiving journey gives family members a chance to rest and think about the future—a time to think about financial planning and future health care decisions,” Talia says. “Settle into your new role and take care of yourself.”
Ending your role as a caregiver doesn’t mean you stop caring. All the love and skills you’ve built can still be a big part of who you are as you start this new chapter. Remember, moving forward doesn’t mean being less engaged with your loved ones—it means growing from what you’ve experienced and finding new ways to share your kindness and skills with the world.
Learn more about the process of moving your loved one into memory care on our website.