When Caregiving Ends: Supporting a Move to Senior Living
November 25, 2024
You had the conversations. You helped them downsize, reminiscing over old vacation photos, dusty camera collections, and stacks of past copies of “Good Housekeeping.” And you were there to help your parents start a joyful new chapter of their lives in a stylish and contemporary assisted living community. There they’ll spend the days chumming it up with a gaggle of new acquaintances, taking in the scenery, and attending exercise classes and social activities.
But a pang hits your heart. While you’re excited for their next adventure, you may be feeling some complicated emotions. Especially if you’ve been there for them to help with some day-to-day activities such as meal preparation, laundry, lawn care, and light housekeeping. While it may have been challenging at times, you were proud of the care you provided and that you were able to step up when they needed you. But now what?
When caregiving ends, it might leave a big gap—not just in your schedule, but also in your heart. It’s completely normal to feel many different emotions when you stop being a caregiver. You might feel sad because you miss regular contact with your loved one or the routine you had together. You could also feel relieved that you don’t have to manage those responsibilities anymore, and that’s okay too.
Helping families through this transition is one of Tara Harton’s favorite parts of serving as Community Relations Director for Fieldstone of Olympia. There’s no one blanket answer, she tries to be sensitive to the fact that what works for one person or family may not be the best for another.
“I always talk about that transition, of just getting back to being a husband or wife,” Harton says. “There are a lot of emotional expectations that you have when a loved one moves into long-term care, and we understand that.”
They often refer family members to Eldercare Counseling and Guidance Services to help people process the emotional aspect of transitioning to memory care or assisted living. They are also host to the only caregiver support group led by licensed counselor in Olympia. Contact the information desk for more information about the support group.
Sometimes, you might even feel a bit lost or unsure about what to do with your newfound free time. All these feelings are normal. Here are some ways to deal with this emotional transition and make the most of this next phase of life.
Focus on the positive. This transition may be beneficial for both you and your loved ones. While we pride ourselves on our ability to provide for our loved ones, everyone has their limits. The care your loved ones receive in an assisted living community may help them maintain their health and independence, even if they are no longer living at home. Your loved one may thrive in a new setting with opportunities to enjoy regularly scheduled activities, salon services, and entertainment!
“I always invite people into our activities program, and during the holidays we have events for families,” Harton says. “What we are doing is building trust, and we’ll bring in whoever needs to be part of that process. If people have had a long-time caregiver they trust, we welcome them in for visits to check in and make sure everyone is adjusting well.”
Consider using your caregiving skills in a different way. It’s important to acknowledge all the skills you learned along the way as a family caregiver. You know how to make someone feel comfortable, manage their medications, and keep things organized. These are valuable skills and experience. Consider sharing what you learned. Here are two ways:
- Help others by volunteering at a local hospital, hospice, or care facility. Many organizations need volunteers who can offer comfort and help to others. There may even be opportunities to volunteer in activities or programs at the assisted living community your parents now call home. That doubles as a way to stay in touch with them and enrich their lives in a new way.
Tara says that, with a background check, family members are welcome to be involved in their community as a volunteer, leading crafts or activities, or simply providing companionship.
- Share your experience by joining a support group for caregivers where you can share what you’ve learned with others. Your experience could be a big help to someone just starting on their caregiving journey. You were there once, and offering advice and empathy can be a rewarding way to give back to others.
Rediscover your hobbies. Caregiving can be a rewarding but time-consuming role. Now is the time to get back into the things you find to be creatively fulfilling. Whether it’s quilting, reading, or a weekly golf game, returning to the things you love is an act of self-care.
Ending your role as a caregiver doesn’t mean you stop caring. All the love and skills you’ve built can still be a big part of who you are as you start this new chapter. Remember, moving forward doesn’t mean being less engaged with your loved ones—it means growing from what you’ve experienced and finding new ways to share your kindness and skills with the world.