How to Hold a Successful Family Meeting
February 28, 2025
Everyone hopes their parents will live long, healthy, independent lives. But the reality is that some people will need care in their later years. Whether it’s retiring in an assisted living community, arranging for family caregiving, or hiring professional in-home care, one thing remains certain—the ideal time to have this conversation is before a crisis happens. A family meeting can be a place where everyone can share information, mobilize resources, and come up with a plan.
Every family is different, and Tara Harton, Community Relations Director at Fieldstone of Olympia, realizes that these conversations can be challenging. She suggests that if caregiving responsibilities have become difficult for family caregivers, be honest about that.
“Parents are wanting to make it easier on their kids, and no one wants be a burden to their kid—that’s a difficult switch for families.”
Having this meeting in person is best, but if everyone cannot attend, videoconferencing or calling in is better than getting a later, secondhand account of what transpired. Here are some tips to have a successful family meeting about your parent’s long-term care plans.
Include everyone. Be sure all the siblings—including stepsiblings if appropriate—are kept informed. And of course, the person who you’re planning for must be centrally involved if they are capable of communicating their preferences.
Leave the beef behind. Now is not the time to argue over how much your parents contributed to your sister’s wedding or debate the validity of your brother’s career as a travel influencer. If family squabbles continue to erupt, or if the family is overwhelmed by the planning at hand, call in a professional such as a care manager or elder law attorney to facilitate the meeting and suggest resources.
Do your homework. Do you know what kind of resources are available where your parents live? Learn about services that are available to support seniors and caregivers in your area. Contact the local Area Agency on Aging or use the Eldercare Locator. Learn about assisted living or retirement communities in the area. Take a tour to understand the cost, benefits, care levels, and any applicable waiting lists. Seeing the facility in person can go a long way in helping to put any family member’s concerns to rest. It may even excite your parents to see a well-developed and welcoming community where they can leave the landscaping and maintenance to someone else!
“What we focus on here is ‘how do you want to spend your time?’ and it’s not often that people say they want to spend retirement mowing the lawn or cleaning,” Harton said.
“We are proud of our community, and our residents reflect that. I don’t know anyone here who is unhappy with their care.” Residents are excited to serve as ambassadors for their community. That’s why she urges prospective residents and their family members to come and see the community for themselves.
“There’s a misconception about what assisted living and memory care are and what it can be,” Harton said. “I always invite people in for a meal or activity to see it for themselves.”
Make a plan—and write it down. Include as much detail as possible about who has taken on what responsibilities and assignments. The plan should be practical, not beyond your family’s financial resources—and, most important, it should be acceptable to Mom and Dad. All the family members need to agree ahead of time that they will accept the plan once it’s done, even if it wasn’t their first choice and even if they have some reservations. The responsibility for the plan should be shared by all. Then, going forward, create a system by which everyone can stay in touch—a family email chain, a private Facebook page, or a phone tree.
In the end, having a good family meeting comes down to being prepared, listening to each other, and working together. When you set a clear agenda, give everyone a chance to share their thoughts, and focus on finding solutions instead of arguing, you can tackle tough topics in a way that feels supportive and productive. The goal isn’t just to make decisions—it’s to help everyone feel heard and on the same page. With a little effort, family meetings can actually bring you closer and make things easier for everyone.