Travel Through Time and Memories
January 27, 2025
A short story about how to connect with loved ones who have memory loss
By Maricel Halmo, Fieldstone Memory Care
There are memories of each other that remain unspoken because of that shared history, and we will never know what fond tales a loved one would share about us with a stranger.
Betty, a resident at Fieldstone, is excited to have a visitor. She put on her favorite scarf that matches her nail polish. As she sits across from the lovely woman, she catches a hint of familiarity as she notices a silver elephant pendant sparkling on her necklace.
Betty perks up, “My daughter Sarah loves elephants! She started collecting them when she was three years old when we saw one at the zoo and it took a peanut from her tiny little hand. Every time I see an elephant I think of her and I see that look on her little face…” At the corner of Betty’s eye, a tear glistens at the memory as her mind drifts back to the cherished moment.
This could go one of two ways ….
Scenario 1
Holding Betty’s warm hands, Sarah feels simultaneously touched by the story and hurt that her mother doesn’t recognize her. “Mom, it’s me — Sarah — your daughter!” Flustered, Betty tries to gather herself as she wipes the tear from her eye, trying to regain her composure. Betty feels a mixture of emotions: humiliation, suspicion, and confusion. She thinks to herself: My daughter? How is this her — how did she grow up so quickly? This is impossible. She’s just three years old. This grown woman can’t be her… But there is something familiar and kind about her so maybe she is right… “Oh, uh, yes, of… of course, dear. I know that…” she says, stumbling on her words as she tries to pull herself together.
Scenario 2
Although Sarah feels disappointed that her mother doesn’t recognize her, she decides to put her own feelings aside and assume the role of ‘Friendly Stranger’ that her mother has assigned to her. She says, “Tell me more about your daughter.”
Betty lights up, her eyes twinkling like they did when she was a young woman. “She’s three years old and she has the most beautiful curly golden hair. Everyone says I should cut it, but I just couldn’t bear it so it has grown down to here” gesturing to her mid-back. “She loves jumping in puddles and doesn’t always mind her manners, but she really is…”
Sarah listens intently, soaking up every word as she realizes that she has never known exactly what she was like as a three-year-old or how her mother felt about her at the time. She feels like she is spying on the woman her mother was when Sarah was a young child — a woman that, as an adult, she had never known.
When caring for or visiting with a loved one with memory loss, try to meet them where they are. If he is in the war in 1965, be fighting right alongside him in 1965. If she thinks she needs to get home to her young children, ask her about her children and find out more about them — even if those young kids are yourself or even your parents.
Typically, when two people are reminiscing, one or both of them are remembering a moment from the past. However, a person with memory loss is living a moment from the past. If you go on that journey with them, you become a time traveler.
Are you ready to time travel?