How to Hold a Successful Family Meeting
February 28, 2025
Everyone hopes their parents will live long, healthy, independent lives. But the reality is that some people will need care in their later years. Whether it’s retiring in an assisted living community, arranging for family caregiving, or hiring professional in-home care, one thing remains certain—the ideal time to have this conversation is before a crisis happens. A family meeting can be a place where everyone can share information, mobilize resources, and come up with a plan.
Having this meeting in person is best, but if everyone cannot attend, videoconferencing or calling in is better than getting a later, secondhand account of what transpired. Here are some tips to have a successful family meeting about your parent’s long-term care plans.
Include everyone. Be sure all the siblings—including stepsiblings if appropriate—are kept informed. And of course, the person who you’re planning for must be centrally involved if they are capable of communicating their preferences.
“All the other family members need to be on the same page,” said Alex Sims, Sales and Marketing Director for Fieldstone Village at Keizer Ridge. “If the family isn’t aligned, it’s harder to have an important conversation and set clear expectations.”
Leave the beef behind. Now is not the time to argue over how much your parents contributed to your sister’s wedding or debate the validity of your brother’s career as a travel influencer. There are resources online that can help guide the conversation. If family squabbles continue to erupt, or if the family is overwhelmed by the planning at hand, call in a professional such as a care manager or elder law attorney to facilitate the meeting and suggest resources.
“It’s common for people to not be on the same page, but that’s where a family meeting is super important,” Sims said. “I have had people move in where there were some doubts, but they came to realize that is what is best for their parents.”
Sim urges families to center their older loved ones’ needs and the things that are most important to them.
“Ask them how their life can improve,” she said. “There’s only so much of an energy reserve in the day, if we can help them maintain more of that, then they can really put their energy into the activities they like to do.”
Do your homework. Do you know what kind of resources are available where your parents live? Learn about services that are available to support seniors and caregivers in your area. Contact the local Area Agency on Aging or use the Eldercare Locator. Learn about assisted living or retirement communities in the area. Take a tour to understand the cost, benefits, care levels, and any applicable waiting lists. Seeing the facility in person can go a long way in helping to put any family member’s concerns to rest. It may even excite your parents to see a well-developed and welcoming community where they can leave the landscaping and maintenance to someone else!
Sims offers home visits to talk through people’s concerns. Long-distance family members can also take virtual tours or call her with any questions.
“We also have a large amount of very enthusiastic resident ambassadors who are eager to talk to possible residents and their family members about the process of moving in,” Sims said.
Make a plan—and write it down. Include as much detail as possible about who has taken on what responsibilities and assignments. The plan should be practical, not beyond your family’s financial resources—and, most important, it should be acceptable to Mom and Dad. All the family members need to agree ahead of time that they will accept the plan once it’s done, even if it wasn’t their first choice and even if they have some reservations. The responsibility for the plan should be shared by all. Then, going forward, create a system by which everyone can stay in touch—a family email chain, a private Facebook page, or a phone tree.
In the end, having a good family meeting comes down to being prepared, listening to each other, and working together. When you set a clear agenda, give everyone a chance to share their thoughts, and focus on finding solutions instead of arguing, you can tackle tough topics in a way that feels supportive and productive. The goal isn’t just to make decisions—it’s to help everyone feel heard and on the same page. With a little effort, family meetings can actually bring you closer and make things easier for everyone.