When Caregiving Ends: Supporting a Move to Senior Living
November 25, 2024
You had the conversations. You helped them downsize, reminiscing over old vacation photos, dusty camera collections, and stacks of past copies of “Good Housekeeping.” And you were there to help your parents start a joyful new chapter of their lives in a stylish and contemporary assisted living community. There they’ll spend the days chumming it up with a gaggle of new acquaintances, taking in the scenery, and attending exercise classes and social activities.
But a pang hits your heart. While you’re excited for their next adventure, you may be feeling some complicated emotions. Especially if you’ve been there for them to help with some day-to-day activities such as meal preparation, laundry, lawn care, and light housekeeping. While it may have been challenging at times, you were proud of the care you provided and that you were able to step up when they needed you. But now what?
When caregiving ends, it might leave a big gap—not just in your schedule, but also in your heart. It’s completely normal to feel many different emotions when you stop being a caregiver. You might feel sad because you miss regular contact with your loved one or the routine you had together. You could also feel relieved that you don’t have to manage those responsibilities anymore, and that’s okay too. Sometimes, you might even feel a bit lost or unsure about what to do with your newfound free time. All these feelings are normal. Here are some ways to deal with this emotional transition and make the most of this next phase of life.
Focus on the positive. This transition may be beneficial for both you and your loved ones. While we pride ourselves on our ability to provide for our loved ones, everyone has their limits. The care your loved ones receive in an assisted living community may help them maintain their health and independence, even if they are no longer living at home. Your loved one may thrive in a new setting with opportunities to enjoy regularly scheduled activities, salon services, and entertainment!
“Our town hall is the center of our memory care,” Celia Bouse, Community Relations Director of Fieldstone Bainbridge, said. “There are constant activities and you don’t even have to leave the facility to see a movie, go to the salon, or grab a cup of coffee at a café. There are walking trails all over the courtyard and we have beach rights for the water nearby. Our residents are never stuck inside or outside, they’re able to access everywhere within our community.”
Consider using your caregiving skills in a different way. It’s important to acknowledge all the skills you learned along the way as a family caregiver. You know how to make someone feel comfortable, manage their medications, and keep things organized. These are valuable skills and experience. Consider sharing what you learned. Here are two ways:
- Help others by volunteering at a local hospital, hospice, or care facility. Many organizations need volunteers who can offer comfort and help to others. There may even be opportunities to volunteer in activities or programs at the assisted living community your parents now call home. That doubles as a way to stay in touch with them and enrich their lives in a new way. “Some family members come in and offer their talents or help with activities,” Celia said. “We have a family that loves to quilt, so sometimes they come in and teach other residents how to quilt. We have other family members who come in to play our grand piano.”
- Share your experience by joining a support group for caregivers where you can share what you’ve learned with others. Your experience could be a big help to someone just starting on their caregiving journey. You were there once, and offering advice and empathy can be a rewarding way to give back to others. “Our sister community in Silverdale offers dementia support groups for family members. You can find support groups outside of our community at the Alzheimer’s Association of Washington, Kitsap County Council on Aging, and other support groups on the island.”
Rediscover your hobbies. Caregiving can be a rewarding but time-consuming role. Now is the time to get back into the things you find to be creatively fulfilling. Whether it’s quilting, reading, or a weekly golf game, returning to the things you love is an act of self-care.
Ending your role as a caregiver doesn’t mean you stop caring. All the love and skills you’ve built can still be a big part of who you are as you start this new chapter. Remember, moving forward doesn’t mean being less engaged with your loved ones—it means growing from what you’ve experienced and finding new ways to share your kindness and skills with the world.
And of course, you’re always welcome to visit.
“Family members visiting often helps make an easier transition for everyone involved,” Celia said. “Family is always welcome to any of our activities, to take your loved ones out for a day, or to grab a bite at our café and just enjoy some time together.”