How to Hold a Successful Family Meeting
February 28, 2025
Everyone hopes their parents will live long, healthy, independent lives. But the reality is that some people will need care in their later years. Whether it’s retiring in an assisted living community, arranging for family caregiving, or hiring professional in-home care, one thing remains certain—the ideal time to have this conversation is before a crisis happens. A family meeting can be a place where everyone can share information, mobilize resources, and come up with a plan.
Jamie Bairey, Community Relations Assistant at Fieldstone of Bainbridge, urges families to make a plan before an emergency happens, so that family members can make changes on their schedule, and not out of necessity.
“It’s best to have a very open and honest discussion about what your loved one’s wishes are and what their finances look like,” Bairey said.
“Get your documentation in order, and make sure you understand the location of those important documents,” Bairey advised. “Do they have a power of attorney (POA) or a backup for that POA? And remember that one person doesn’t have to oversee everything. You can have a healthcare POA and someone else in charge of finances. That can prevent one person from feeling like they are overwhelmed with responsibility.”
As a service to the community, Fieldstone of Bainbridge frequently hosts educational events on-campus or at nearby community centers. They have upcoming talks about the “sandwich generation” and a question-and-answer session with a local elder law attorney. Check the Facebook page for more information about upcoming events.
Having this meeting in person is best, but if everyone cannot attend, videoconferencing or calling in is better than getting a later, secondhand account of what transpired. Here are some tips to have a successful family meeting about your parent’s long-term care plans.
Include everyone. Be sure all the siblings—including stepsiblings if appropriate—are kept informed. And of course, the person who you’re planning for must be centrally involved if they are capable of communicating their preferences.
Leave the beef behind. Now is not the time to argue over how much your parents contributed to your sister’s wedding or debate the validity of your brother’s career as a travel influencer. If family squabbles continue to erupt, or if the family is overwhelmed by the planning at hand, call in a professional such as a care manager or elder law attorney to facilitate the meeting and suggest resources.
The Centers for Disease Control offers a worksheet to help families making an initial caregiving plan that also includes options for advanced care planning. Even armed with these tools, families may still struggle to make a plan.
“At that point it may be time to bring in a care manager or elder law attorney,” Bairey said.
Do your homework. Do you know what kind of resources are available where your parents live? Learn about services that are available to support seniors and caregivers in your area. Contact the local Area Agency on Aging or use the Eldercare Locator. Learn about assisted living or retirement communities in the area. Take a tour to understand the cost, benefits, care levels, and any applicable waiting lists.
Jamie and the rest of the staff at Fieldstone of Bainbridge understand the hesitancy and concerns that come with finding a long-term community for loved ones. But seeing the community can go a long way in soothing those fears. It may even excite your parents to see a well-developed and welcoming community where they can leave the landscaping and maintenance to someone else!
“Taking some time to come visit and learn more about what happens here can help families confront that fear of the unknown,” said Bairey. “We’re patient and happy to answer any questions or take folks on a tour.”
“Think of it like a cruise ship that doesn’t move,” she said. “We have a bar and views of the water without the sea sickness!”
Make a plan—and write it down. Include as much detail as possible about who has taken on what responsibilities and assignments. The plan should be practical, not beyond your family’s financial resources—and, most important, it should be acceptable to Mom and Dad. All the family members need to agree ahead of time that they will accept the plan once it’s done, even if it wasn’t their first choice and even if they have some reservations. The responsibility for the plan should be shared by all. Then, going forward, create a system by which everyone can stay in touch—a family email chain, a private Facebook page, or a phone tree.
In the end, having a good family meeting comes down to being prepared, listening to each other, and working together. When you set a clear agenda, give everyone a chance to share their thoughts, and focus on finding solutions instead of arguing, you can tackle tough topics in a way that feels supportive and productive. The goal isn’t just to make decisions—it’s to help everyone feel heard and on the same page. With a little effort, family meetings can actually bring you closer and make things easier for everyone.